


wanna be good

by Anonymous



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Lives, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Cuddling, Enemies to Friends, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, Pre-Relationship, Sad with a Happy Ending, Touch-Starved Billy Hargrove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:00:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We both need friends our own age and if this is how our friendship is gonna be, then that’s fine. I can talk all day, I think we both know that, but you can’t live like this. You can’t mourn the fact that you’re alive. I think it’s better for you to just talk, Bill, even if it’s just one word.” He kept his hand in place before gently squeezing Billy’s arm. “And don’t tell me to leave, because I won’t.”Steve comforts Billy after he's brought back to Hawkins.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 8
Kudos: 151
Collections: Anonymous





	wanna be good

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in about an hour-an hour and a half. there's not much plot but i was just going off of the quote "you can't mourn the fact that you're alive" and produced this.
> 
> not beta read.

Steve didn’t intend to end up in the Mayfield - formerly Hargrove- house. He was picking up the kids and driving them to the Byers-Hopper house to play DnD and Max was his first stop. Despite living the farthest from him, he liked to have some time to talk to her about Billy and how they were all coping since his return from the hospital a month ago. He didn’t even know Billy was alive until the day before his return, Max explaining to the party that they’d gotten a call from some government hospital that he was living and ready to go home. It was long after Neil left. The party had these hangouts every week and Max was never late, so when he pulled up to the driveway and was left waiting for ten minutes, he got worried. He was hesitant to make his way up to the front door, but he had to check on the kid who wasn’t really a kid anymore.

They all grew up too fast.

It was Susan who opened the door, dressed and ready to go to her new job at the bank. She looked quite frazzled.

“Oh, hello Steve.” She greeted warmly, her attempt to appear calm and content betrayed by her sad eyes. 

“Hi Mrs. Mayfield,” Steve offered a small smile. “Is Max here? I usually drive her to the Byers’ every week to hang out with her friends and she didn’t come out so I got worried and just wanted to -” he was cut off by Max’s voice.

“You have to eat, Billy! I’m not leaving until you eat something asshole!” There was more melancholy than malice in her voice. “Open the door, Billy, please! I promise I’ll leave you alone if you just eat!” A beat of silence went by. “Billy!” She cried out, voice cracking. 

Susan rubbed at her face stressfully before forcing a composed smile. “She’s just upset because Billy hasn’t been eating lately. I tried to tell her she was going to be late but,” she trailed off with a sigh. “Maxine, Steve is here to pick you up.” She called to Max. “I have to get going before I’m late to work, she should be ready soon. Thank you again for driving her, I appreciate it.” She nodded before leaving in a hurry.

Steve figured this was a common occurrence.

Soon, Max emerged from the hallway, eyes red and cheeks wet. She didn’t let him greet her before she asked him,

“Can you talk to him? It’s been a month and he doesn’t talk to us - to anyone. He barely leaves his room and he doesn’t eat or sleep. And he,” a pause. “He cries a lot.” Her voice was small, almost inaudible. “He only cries when he thinks we’re sleeping but I hear him and I can’t do anything because he doesn’t let me. He won’t talk to me or my mom and I think he needs a friend.” She avoided eye contact, but Steve saw the hurt in her eyes. He couldn’t say no.

“Okay, okay.” He cut off her rambling. “I don’t,” he sighed. “I don’t know if he’ll want to talk to me.” Seeing how tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to escape, he quickly added on, “but I’ll try.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Do you wanna call the party and cancel? They’ll understand.” Max shook her head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll skate to Will’s house.” Steve went to protest but she cut him off. “Go talk to him, dingus.” She teased.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Robin.” Steve chuckled and ruffled her hair, smiling when it earned him a small laugh and a slap on the hand. “Wear a helmet.” He called after her as she left the house, skateboard in hand, rolling his eyes when he earned an uninterested hand gesture that could’ve been her flipping him off, but he was far too focused on the closed door to mind it.

The house was eerily silent after Max shut the door, leaving Steve to wonder if that’s how Billy spent his days. Not eating, talking, or sleeping. Isolating himself in silence and crying to himself. For someone who survived getting impaled by a monster, that was no way to live. Slowly, he walked towards the door and knocked.

“Billy?” He kept his voice soft, almost as if he was approaching a wild animal which, had it been a year ago, wasn’t too far off considering the damage he left on Steve’s face. “It’s Steve. Steve Harrington. Can I come inside?” Silence. He wasn’t sure if he should take it as an invitation, but he turned the knob and stepped inside, staying in the doorway. 

Looking around, the room was small. There was a vanity set up on crates, cologne and hairspray bottles dusty and unused. There was a box of music tapes, each labeled with Billy’s large handwriting. He didn’t miss the tape with Max’s name on it, wondering if Madonna was on it. His eyes eventually landed on Billy. He was laying on his side, back facing Steve as he curled in on himself, looking as small as possible. He was covered from head to toe - white socks, gray sweats, a black hoodie with the hood over his head, but a few stray blonde curls poked out. He had the blanket up to his chin and his face was to Steve, facing the wall. It was crazy to think that this was the same guy who wore leather and tight jeans and half-buttoned shirts. The same guy with a loud personality, loving attention in any form. 

Steve took a couple of awkward steps towards the bed, keeping some distance between the two, before he broke the silence. “Max asked me to check on you.” He was nervous. Played with the hem of his shirt to keep his hands busy. “She’s worried about you. Says you aren’t eating.” He watched the unmoving boy, already feeling defeated. “Maybe I can order a pizza? Do you like wings? Coke? New Coke isn’t  _ that _ bad, but don’t tell the kids I told you that. Max would probably kick my ass.” He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Or if you don’t want pizza I can go to Benny’s? They have good burgers and milkshakes, it’s like dinner and dessert in one, y’know? You can dip the fries in the shake if you’re into that, too. I’m not, honestly, it’s kinda gross. I’m more of a ketchup guy.” He rambled on and on, hoping Billy would add to the one-sided conversation.

Ready to move onto the next food option, Steve was interrupted.

“Get out.” Billy’s voice was low, quiet, gravely. Unused and shaky. Nothing like the loud yells and sardonic laughs Steve remembers.

“Oh.” Steve frowned, looking down at the floor. “I - I don’t,” he sighed. He could only wonder what was going through Billy’s head, what he thought about when it was silent, when Max tried talking to him, when he cried late at night. It wasn’t anything pretty or nice, he knew that for sure. 

Steve was almost ready to accept the loss. He tried and he failed, simple as that. He took a few strides towards the door, got as far as to place his hand on the doorknob before he stopped in his tracks. He didn’t know why, but he felt he needed to stay, to at least try again to make things better. He turned around and looked at Billy. His chest hurt, but he blamed it on the heavy air surrounding them.

“No.” Steve spoke softly, biting his lip nervously before shutting the door. “I’m not leaving.” He turned around, leaning against the door as he stared at Billy. “I know it’s exhausting to get bossed around and yelled at by a fourteen year old, but she’s worried about you, Bill.” The  _ I am too _ went left unsaid. “Look, man, I don’t expect us to be best friends or anything ‘cause the second you got to this shithole you made it pretty clear you wanted nothing to do with me.” Which they both knew was a blatant lie seeing as how Billy couldn’t keep his taunts or hands to himself when Steve was around. “But she asked me to talk to you and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

It might have been a mistake, walking towards Billy’s bed and sitting down on the edge, but Steve couldn’t find it in him to care or feel scared or threatened. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, it’s fine, it’s okay, I get it. But don’t push me away.” He bit the inside of his cheek, almost hard enough to draw blood. “Please.” He whispered.

Billy felt his heart sink at Steve’s words, wondering why the guy was even bothering with him let alone pleading him to be in his presence. He wondered if Steve knew he was some stupid queer with an even stupider crush on him that developed the first time he set eyes on the brunette. But that was before. Before his body was used to hurt people, to kill. Before he lost control of himself and only gained it back in time to get nearly killed by some monster for some girl who went through his memories, his secrets, for a group of people he swore up and down that he hated. Before he was left with scars littering his body and the fear that one day he’d wake up and his veins would be black, that he would be forced to hurt the ones he cared about, to kill again.

So, yeah. He had his reasons for pushing the ones he loved away. He didn’t want to hurt them again. Including his pretty boy, but especially Max. The kid cared too much about him, catching onto his angrily stubborn traits and using them against him the same way he did her. Except he wasn’t outwardly caring about her the way she did not. He ruined her life, their lives. Neil left because of him, leaving Susan broke with two broken teens to take care of, and she tried her best. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve any of it.

While getting drowned in his thoughts, which he did almost every minute of the day, he must’ve let out a small noise - a sigh, a whimper, a sniff. He hadn’t realized it until Steve was speaking again.

“Billy? Talk to me?” He begged. “I know you’re listening.” Steve watched him carefully for any movement, listening for any noise further than the one whimper Billy mindlessly let out, but he earned nothing. Instead, he reached out, hand hovering over Billy’s arm before he gently touched him. He didn’t miss the flinch and sharp inhale, the way Billy’s immediately tensed even further than he already was. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We both need friends our own age and if this is how our friendship is gonna be, then that’s fine. I can talk all day, I think we both know that, but you can’t live like this. You can’t mourn the fact that you’re alive. I think it’s better for you to just talk, Bill, even if it’s just one word.” He kept his hand in place before gently squeezing Billy’s arm. “And don’t tell me to leave, because I won’t.” He rubbed up and down the blonde’s arm, hopeful that Billy would speak. 

He didn’t, but he didn’t tell Steve to leave either. On top of that, he was no longer tense. He seemed to relax under Steve’s hand, sinking into the mattress. Steve took note of the way he calmed through physical contact and made a quick decision he’d probably regret. However, not giving himself time to overthink, he stood and toed his shoes off, tossing his jacket aside before raising the comforter Billy was under.

“I’m just gonna…” Steve murmured. Billy felt the mattress sink beneath him, eyes stuck on the wall. “Billy?” Steve whispered. Billy let out a soft grunt in response. “Can I hold you?” 

Billy had to close his eyes as tight as possible, trying his best to keep his tears unshed. Though he nearly failed when he felt Steve’s chest inches away from his back and arms wrap around him. 

“Is this okay?” Steve whispered in his ear after pulling the blankets back up to cover them. “Are you uncomfortable? I’m sorry if this is weird I just didn’t know what else -” he shut his mouth when he saw the first tear that escaped, silently running down Billy’s cheek. “Oh.” He frowned, moving to press his chest flush to Billy’s back, tightening his arms around him.

Then the floodgates opened.

Billy shook as he released a choked sob, grabbing onto Steve’s wrists with a death grip. He hadn’t felt comfortable or protected for years and it only worsened after the shadow, yet here he was, crying like a bitch in Steve Harrington’s arms because he felt  _ safe. _

“I’m not going anywhere.” Steve promised, slowly pulling Billy’s hood down. “I’m here.  _ You’re _ here.” Pressing their bodies together as much as he could - their knees linked, his face buried in Billy’s neck. He rubbed Billy’s hands, feeling the rough edges of the scars as the boy cried.

“I’m sorry.” Billy choked out. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t - I didn’t want to, Steve, I didn’t want it.” He whimpered. “I wanna be good.”

“I know, I know.” Steve reassured. “It’s okay, Bill, I forgive you. We all forgive you.” He held the boy even closer. “It’s okay.” He repeated softly. “You’re good, Billy, you’re so good.” 

**Author's Note:**

> it's a sad one i'm sorry
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
